For the longest time I’ve always had this sometimes annoying strong sense of smell.  I have had to leave restaurants because the various mingling smells were making me ill.  I remember very vividly 2 instances, actually 3, where the staff probably hated my existence the moment I left their building. Stix, Harrah’s Casino Tunica, and Mac Grill in Memphis. Yeah- the overwhelming smellls didn’t sit well with my belly and my belly was sure to let me know.

We all know there is a difference between the aroma circulating the room because the chef is preparing meals for 100s of people and the FUNK that your co-workers leave behind as a daily reminder that they ate lunch an hour ago. 

I have worked in manufacturing and distribution environments the majority of my professional career.  In those cases our employees were quick to blame the mess in the bathrooms on temporary employees who didn’t care about the facilities because they had no permanent connection to the organization. FTBS. Some folks are just nasty regardless of their employment status and they refuse to wipe, wipe, flush, flush, check the flush, spray, and wash their hands.  So to blame the “temps” is one of the lamest excuses I’ve ever heard.

Now with my current employer we are in a social media/customer service environment and one would hope that the team members would be a bit more “professional” group. WRONG!  That bathroom funk and mess is everywhere you go/work.  It was so bad yesterday that one of my co-workers was forced to complain and ask the question: “What’s that smell?”  She went on to say that somebody had been in there and left a scent that smelled like:

wait for it……………..(lol)

Warmed collard greens!  I know you are shaking your head in agreement because you know warmed greens also smells like:

wait for it………………….

BOOTY.

So my solution to this is the following checklist for everyone that uses the bathrooms at work:

1.  Always carry a change of underwear with you. Male and females.  You just never know when that leftover bowl of greens does more than causes you to “poot”.  Be prepared. 😐

2. Always wipe, wipe,flush, flush, and check your flush, spray, wash your hands and allow the odor to disappear (at least a little bit)
 before you welcome the rest of the world into your booty sanctuary.

3. If you are female- it wouldn’t hurt to carry personal wipes for those moments when you either need to refresh or if you are a card carrying member of the thong club. 

4. If you live close enough to the job eat lunch at home and take a dump before you come back to the workplace. We are sick of smelling your “warmed greens”.

5. Stop blaming your co-workers when you know good and well that your behind left the scent that we are all choking on.

Signed,

No warm greens for me.

Thank you and good night.

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