After a recent incident at a family gathering I realized that whores these days (or hoes, ho’s, whatever terminology you choose to use) – are a trip!  This particular incident occurred almost 2 weeks ago and I was still talking about this mess today.  I shared an overview of the situation with a co-worker who upon first glance would appear to be the textbook image of Barbie.  She’s tall, blonde, and gorgeous.  The main difference between her and Barbie is that she’s quite intelligent and still very much a girlie girl.  After describing the incident to her the response I got was quite hilarious.  She simply said: “A country ho’ will take whoring to a whole new level of ho’ing”  I literally almost fell out of my chair.  My co-workers are accustomed to hearing yells, laughter and random screams from my office so my reaction to her comment didn’t cause any alarm. I was hollering!

That lead me to think that there are at least 10 instances when it is okay to mark your turf (aka “pee on your man”) or even beatahoe because when you are dealing with a country ho’ – they will cause you to flip a table or two.

Here we go:

  1. If a female attempts to give your husband a BJ with her boobs when she hugs him then you have a right to mark your turf via beatahoe.
  2. If a female intentionally ignores your presence and only addresses/greets your spouse- you have a right to beatahoe.  (I am wife – hear me roar!)
  3. If a female sends a text message to your significant other which could be deemed as flirtatious- you have a right to beatahoe.
  4. If a female asks your significant other to assist her with moving furniture, fixing shit, etc around her crib- just on GP you have a right to beatahoe.
  5. If a female prepares your significant other’s favorite dish – again on GP you have a right to beatahoe. (Note: Please don’t try me by sending my husband a plate of neckbones and collard greens. I don’t give a flip if my cooking takes like cow dung, Beatahoe is on the menu if you try me.)
  6. If a female asks your significant other to keep a secret from you. You guessed it…..
  7. If a female asks one too many questions about your location, habits, downfalls, and you find out about it then she’s left the door open to receive a visit from Captain Beatahoe.  Boo, don’t be trying to peek in my window to find out what I’m putting down or not doing.  If he leaves – take his ass. Until then you are asking for……..you guessed it.
  8. If a female tries to cover up a fling that your man is having with her, her friend, or some random tail on the corner then she too deserves a visitf from Captain Beatahoe.
  9. If a female is known for just trying to go there then again just on GP – beatahoe is in order. She needs to know who she can play and who she can’t.
  10. I’ll let you fill in the blanks on this one because I’m sure there are some more exciting reasons than the 9 others that I’ve listed above that will justifying opening a can of beatahoe!

Want to know the thing that sent me over the edge and ready to flip a table or two? 

I was attending a fanily event with the dude a few weeks ago. We have some mutual friends -some known connections and some newly discovered. We went to different high schools so that brings in another set of friends.

One classmate of the dude as at the event.  We were introduced to one another and greeted each othe cordially. So it’s no surprise that there were a lot of hugs between childhood friends, etc. There were even some of your middle school classmates that were there. Anyway- a lot of overlap in the friend/family circles. 

Fast forward dude and I were about to leave to head to another event across town.

PICTURE THIS:

I am standing at the door waiting for the dude to meet me so that we can leave. I noticed that we were both watched from across the room (it was obvious because ole gal and her buddy were whispering everytime either one us made a move). So he’s approaching me and saying his goodbyes and the classmate literally stands in front of me- between me and the dude with her back to me, cell phone in hand in a posture as to say “I’m going to say goodbye to my friend and hug him one more time.” So he approaches her and sees me in the background.  I’m literally less than 3 feet behind her. You smile as if to give a nod of approval to go ahead and greet your friend- but you’re going home with me   I continue smiling.

But then, this biotch hugs him (with all of her titties) just a little.bit.too.long. All the while he’s giving her the friendship pat on the back/hug (as if to say biotch you must not know my wife is crazy and I have a room full of relatives that will go IN on you with her)

So as I was describing this to my co-worker today and told her the dude’s response when I commented on the “sichuashun” that’s when she made the comment about country hoes going t a whole new level.

WHAT WOULD YOU  HAVE DONE?

  • Check that helfa.
  • Beatahoe
  • Make your presence known via “marking your turf”

Note: I did not list “Let it slide”.

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