For the countless times I’ve done something my parents told me in clear as day terms not to do- PAYBACK IS A MOFO.

As the mother of a 13 year old male – we are going to need much Jesus around this camp.  Not only does he think he’s the coolest, sexiest thing in 8th grade at WMS but he’s borderline acting like he’s our pimp.  You read it correctly. This mofo comes at us, occassionally, as though we were put on this earth to service his needs and wants.  Again I say, we’re going to need much Jesus around this camp.

Let me put this in the atmosphere and maybe he can take it in via osmosis or something because he doesn’t seem to understand that both of his parents, especially his mother, will go NINJA on his little narrow ass.

1. We will not have a teenage parent in our home.  He’s been warned.  If you screw- you better be able to pay because it’s gonna cost you if you do it and you aren’t responsible.

2. We will not have cute dummies in our home.  Oh I’m glad my offspring is handsome and loves the women (he has a thing for tatas). But I’ll be damned if he will live here and be a borderline C student.  He’s beginning to get that message as we’ve seen a major improvement in his grades this quarter.

3. He will participate in every youth activity at Bethlehem Baptist Church Simpsonville SC – from the choir to the greeters to VBS to “fan-passer-outer” if needed.  Every opportunity to get in the presence of the word – he’s going to take it.  He needs to be so soaked up in Jesus that booty and breasts are the furthest thing from his mind. Okay that’s a stretch – but you get my point.

4. He’s leaving some cute dummies behind after the 8th grade.  They will go to WHS and he will be a HHS.  Their interactions beyond next Thursday will be met with the strictest of oversight by his parents. Don’t play with mama. She’s a fool.

5. He will graduate in the top 10 of his high school class.  That’s a lot of pressure but he’s able to do it.  He needs to be well-prepared to repay me.  His debt is ever increasing. LOL.

So those are my top 5 for now.  I now know that all of those things, those secret things, that we did as teens when we thought our parents weren’t looking – he’s trying to get away with the same stuff.  He just hasn’t quite mastered the art of looking his parents in the face and lying.  #fail.

The work continues….