There are 10 things (at least for now) that I didn’t realize that I would have to break all.the.way.down for my kid until recently:
1. A can of biscuits should not be opened with a can opener.
2. Taking out the trash means emptying ALL of the trash cans in the house and not just the ones you are standing next to when I tell you to take the trash out.
3. “Get off the phone!” does not mean hanging up the house phone and begin texting/talking on your cell phone. It means to discontinue the use of ALL of the dang phones within your possession or your reach.
4. Taking a shower does not require you to take an hour long shower with loud obnoxious singing heard down the block. Wash your tail and get out.
5. “Wash the dishes.” That statement also means to wash all of the dirty pots/pans. Every pot/pan does not require overnight soaking which then turns into an eternity of soaking on the kitchen counter. Implement the use of elbow grease and wash the dogone dishes before I revoke your dishwasher privileges.
6. Condoms will not save your life. Disclaimer: He ain’t busting nothing right about now. However, kids seem to think just because they know what a condom is that it is the way around responsibility. Just on GP I have the conversation with him on the regular – when he least expects it. Example: On the way to bible study. 🙂 Jesus didn’t say raise no fool. I’m just saying.
7. Everything you will ever think about trying to do without me knowing, I’ve already done it and probably got away with it without the technology that you now have. Therefore my techniques were more parent-avoiding savy than yours could ever be because you have to rely on technology. Just like the can of biscuits – it doesn’t take a can opener to get it done. Well, in my case it didn’t take a cell phone to arrange a secret getaway as a teenage girl 😦 I’m just saying.
8. Dogs have sex. Enough said. Refer to #6 above.
9. Plan the work. Work the plan. Plan the work. Work the plan. Don’t be lazy. Laziness will not get you anywhere. Stop relying on your technology to do everything for you. Systems will fail. Don’t let your lack of preparation and a back-up plan fail you.
10. Little girls are fast. Little boys are manish. Y’all need to stop. Yes. I have to break that all.the.way.down on a daily basis. Kids these days have body parts that I didn’t discover until I was 30. Wheretheydothatat?